just my thought of the day...
There are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day...
It takes the Earth 365.25 days to orbit completely around the sun at approximately 66,000 mph.
That's how fast time seems to fly for me. I feel like I'm a being traveling through my own life at warped speeds following a continual pattern of living that will inevitably end some day.
I think my perception of time is flawed. Remember being a kid and being like, "I have to wait a whole week?!" When you were 16 and being a little kid seemed like ancient history? Now I look back to when I was 16 and it seems like an eternity ago. Weeks seem to pass by with the blink of an eye. It's as if time is speeding up.
It makes me sad because I remember being a kid and thinking about how good life was going to be once I was older to explore it. When you're young, you don't think about bills and responsibilities.
I feel as if time is moving twice as fast or maybe my mind is just moving twice as fast. I just feel as if one day, I'm going to wake up as an old fart and be left wondering where my life went.
I'm realizing there just isn't enough time. As a kid, I remember wishing for time to hurry up; I had all these milestones I wanted to hit and was impatient. I'd give anything for time to slow down now. As a kid, of course I always knew time was finite but now that realization is dawning on me with each 60 seconds that make up a minute that make up an hour that I spend doing something that I don't really want to.
"Only the present moment is real and available to us. The peace we desire is not in some distant future, but it is something we can realize in the present moment." --Thich Nhat Hahn
I wish I could freeze time. Pick a moment and cherish it for awhile instead of it passing by me so fast. All we are left is with our memories and as we grow old, even those fade. Nothing is concrete and I feel like I'm flailing my arms trying to find something constant I can hold onto.
By the time my brain can even process what is happening, that moment is gone -- now just a part of my past. It's like standing on tippy-toes trying to reach something I can never obtain. And while I'm standing trying to grab it, something else passes me by. I can't win. Yet you don't want to be the one always wishing for the future, exclaiming, "One day I'll be happy, one day I'll have this or that..." because that day won't come unless you do something about it. I think it's important to value each day for what it is because it's a day you can never get back.
For the most part, the memories we have, the details of those memories is directly related to how emotional we were when that even took place. This sucks on one hand because all of those horrible memories will live on with you forever. But then again, all those wonderful happy feelings will as well.
I feel like I was cheated out of my life. Growing up, I wasn't able to do what I wanted, experience life in ways I wanted to. I had a shitty childhood and I can never gain that time back. I feel as if there'll never be a time nor a place for someone like me to be totally happy.
Maybe I'm so blue because I finally realize that all my fantasies are being met with the harsh reality of life.
Everything will end one day and I hope that I'll be ready when my time comes. I fear not remembering all those times in my life where I was truly happy. I fear running out of time before I get the chance to explore all the places I want to explore and to do all the things I want to accomplish.
Sometimes I get this invincible feeling; that I'm young and can conquer the world. I wonder if it's better to live fast and die young. When you're dead, you're dead. Might as well get on with the living and stop worrying and stop living in the future. It's overwhelming to always dwell and try to plan out all those small details. I know for a fact that things just naturally fall into place but it's still hard not to stress about them.
Sure it's normal to miss our past, but there's nothing we can do. Each day is a new day. You can only hope for the best while expecting the worst.
I just have to accept it. We all grow older. Shit sucks sometimes but I'll never stop dreaming.
"And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death..." -- Pink Floyd
